Why Are Boundaries Important?

Setting boundaries is hugely important in our everyday life. It’s something that we often might feel guilty about doing but is often times necessary. In this post, we will dive into what boundaries are and why we should set them. It’s not always an easy thing to do. Let’s explore. 

What is a boundary?

According to the Google dictionary, A boundary is “a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.”

When we set boundaries, we are creating our own limits. We are telling people, I will accept this, but I won’t accept that. 

Why do we set boundaries?

Setting boundaries is a form of self-care. We set boundaries in order to make sure we are taken care of before we can help others. 

For example, for the sake of me and everyone around me I set the boundary of when I walk in the house after work, I need an hour to myself. In that hour I may clean, start my nighttime routine, watch TV, whatever it may be. But my main ask is you don’t talk to me or ask me questions. That may seem to mean but all day I have to talk and interact with people and I’m an introvert so in order to recharge my battery, I may need time for myself. 

My advice is to figure out those times you need a recharge or some space and set boundaries there. Also, try to think of anything that bothers you when people repeatedly do it. 

Why is it so hard to set boundaries?

Essentially setting a boundary is telling someone no. It’s very hard to tell someone you are close with no but sometimes it must be done. I understand not wanting confrontation and that the feeling of “what if they get mad at me?” is always a factor, however, we have to explore that more. If someone is not happy with a boundary you set, why may that be?

If you have a friend, that one friend that always goes to you for relationship advice, and finally you’ve had enough, they often can’t figure out why. There may be a few factors: it’s not a good day for you, they don’t listen anyway so why waste your breath, you yourself are having issues, whatever the case may be, this is the first time you see a boundary. 

Now that person may be upset, mad at you, or sad but in time they should understand and accept your boundary. We cannot pour from an empty glass and that’s oftentimes what setting boundaries is, making sure you drink first before anyone else. 

No is a complete sentence. 

It sounds silly but it’s true. No is a complete sentence. You are not obligated to tell anyone why you are saying no, just say it. When I learned it was ok to say no its helped me greatly. 

Again this is something we often feel guilty for but sometimes it is needed. If it’s not a complete no, you can also say maybe next time or maybe later. It’s not a total mo but it is deferring your yes to a later point. 

Respect others boundaries

On the same token, I’m telling you to set and stay firm in your boundaries so you need to respect others’ boundaries. It is common courtesy to do to others what you want to be done yourself.

A great recommendation if you need further assistance with boundaries is the book “Boundaries” By Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. The Amazon link here